Assignment 1: Formal Letter
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am
Chin Shiuh Long Zach, an undergraduate in mechanical engineering, University of
Glasgow – Singapore Institute of Technology. I am currently in my second semester,
and it has been a fulfilling adventure thus far, especially learning in this
new normal of post-pandemic recovery. I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic in
2021 with a diploma in mechanical engineering.
Mechanical
engineering has been little of my interest due to the complexities of modules
such as thermodynamics and fluid mechanics. My interest has drawn further by a
disappointing internship experience, not being as fruitful as expected due to
the administrative task I was assigned to. However, I do believe that
engineering is an industry with endless possibilities that would ignite my
interest. Specialising in energy systems has motivated me to continue with
this programme, striving to be part of the technological advancement revolution
especially in artificial intelligence.
The
way we present ourselves makes a lasting impression on people and the first goal
I have set for myself in this module will include effective verbal communication which
is an important soft skill in the corporate world. During my internship and
through group project work, I have experienced first-hand how clear
communication can lead to great outcomes when it comes to working in a team.
Next, my second goal is to be equipped with hard
skills in professional writing and case reporting which will complement my
first goal.
One strength of communication I have observed about myself is my
listening skill and I always believe that through listening, we are able to
understand and problem-solve a situation rationally. One communication skill weakness would be my self-confidence especially when I have to
present and speak to a large group of audience. This is a difficulty which I
am working towards by speaking in front of the mirror.
A
factor that differentiates me from my peers will be my part-time job in the human resource industry. Communication skills are vital for the nature of job,
emphasizing on clarity and having concise yet detailed explanation. This experience
has stretched out of my comfort zone, requiring me to have conversations or
presentations to different kinds audience.
Hope this has served you well in understanding me a little
bit more. Cheer to more fun lesson!
Warmest Regards,
Zach Chin
Hi Zach,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your introductory letter, it was pleasant reading it. I like how you shared your experiences and obstacles faced back in the past. I admire the mindset of not giving up despite the downs in your internship which is quite a tough decision for you.
Overall, I hope you can achieve the goals that you have set for yourself and gain confidence in believing that you can do it. Looking forward to know you better in the upcoming weeks ahead.
Regards,
Marcus
Hi Marcus,
DeleteThanks for taking your time to read through my blog, much appreciation for your feedbacks and encouragement!
Cheers!
Zach Chin
Hi Zach,
ReplyDeleteThe letter is well written and concise as your statements are backed with examples and more elaboration that keeps the audience engaged. I am sorry that you have experienced the unpleasant encounters during your intern as I believe it will be different for other companies.
I am able to relate of having little interest in mechanical engineering. Take note to set small goals for yourself as it is hard to relate to the end goal that you have set for yourself to avoid burn out in the near future.
In conclusion, I hope you are able to achieve the desired outcome you set yourself at the end of this course.
Hi Calvin,
DeleteThanks for the feedback and encouragement. Much appreciated!
I reckon you are having similar experience too, hope you are doing fine on your end. Let's work hard and will definite achieve our goals!
Best Regards,
Zach Chin
Hello Zach,
ReplyDeleteGreat work writing your introductory letter and learnt a lot about you. Your letter is very well written as it provides me examples for how you feel. You combatted the norm as you mentioned how you have little interest in Mechanical Engineering early in the letter. It was out of the ordinary and very captivating, making me want to read on further.
I understand the difficulties of Mechanical Engineering but you will grow to find it more interesting. I hope we all achieve all the goals we set out for the course.
Best regards,
Bing Rui
Dear Bing Rui,
DeleteThanks for the feedback and encouragement. Let's work hard and strive through!
Warmest regards,
Zach Chin
Dear Zach,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly clear and informative letter. You do a decent job covering the scope of the assignment as you detail your background, comm skills levels and goals for the module. What's noteworthy is your honest reflection on the study programme. I also note your experience in human resourcs, though that would be clearer if you explained what your job actually was.
There are also numerous issues in this letter that need some revision. (Nothing is written in stone yet; yours is just a first draft.)
1. wording / phrasing
-- What a world we are living today, how’s things on your end? > (register/lack of formality) ?
(This is also a comma splice.)
-- My interests drawn further > (wrong verb form) ?
-- ...an industry with endless possibilities and would ignite my innovation. >
(odd word and phrasing)
an industry with endless possibilities THAT would ignite my INTEREST.
-- I am assertive that engineering... > (wrong word)
-- ...the first goal I have set for myself in this module will include effective communication... > (too broad in terms of a specific goal)
-- One weakness of my communication skill > One communication skill weakness OR One of my weaknesses in terms of communication skills
-- This is a self-barrier which I am working towards ... > (wrong word: self barrier means?)
This is a self-barrier which I am working to reduce... OR This is a self-barrier which I am working to overcome.
-- to different kind audience > to different kinds of audiences
2. verb issues
-- Specialising in energy systems have motivated me... > (subject-verb disagreement) ?
-- The way we present ourselves make a lasting impression on people... > (subject-verb disagreement) ?
3. sentence structure
-- Next, my second goal is to gather new knowledge can be equipped with hard skills in professional writing and case reporting which will complement my first goal. > (main subject/main verb?)
-- As an introvert, one strength of communication I have observed about myself is my listening skill and I always believe that through listening, we are able to understand and problem-solve a situation rationally. > (concise expression?)
-- Hence, shaping me to be who I am today. > (fragment)
4. use of caps
-- ...an undergraduate in Mechanical Engineering, > ?
-- ...in the Human Resource industry. > ?
I look forward to seeing the updated version.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for reading through my blog, really appreciate the detailed feedback on my language errors. Amendment will be made to further improve my blog, hope to hear from you again!
Warmest regards,
Zach Chin
Hi Zach. Thank you for your letter. I really like your letter as you are being honest. you did not say how much you liked about engineering, but more of how much potential engineering has. This is very different from what others wrote. In additional all the points are well elaborate. I am glad that you can practice your communication skills through your part-time. hopefully you can overcome your weakness and achieve your goals so that you can perform even better in your job.
ReplyDeleteBest regards,
Qiyi
Hi Qiyi,
DeleteThanks for browsing through my blog. It is really heart warming for your appreciation.
Let's work hard togethers and strive for the best!
Warmest regards,
Zach Chin